Shaashisms

Books With Pink Covers

2007-03-27T13:14:00.000+05:00

You know it has just struck me that we have been duped!
All our lives, fairytales, movies, love songs and all the happily ever after nonsense has taught us to believe that situations always have happy endings and that you always get the conclusion you hoped for, despite the odds, despite adversity, despite all circumstances!!!
It's only when you get old enough to be jaded and enjoy the wittiness of being a cynical non-believer that you realize things only ever fall into place in that particular dream like fashion in...well...in dreams, dreams, fairytales and books with pink covers.
Real life is not so accomodating as this, in the real world we are often too fat, too stupid to realize, caught in the wrong situation, confused by our own feelings or downright scared to make things happen that way...
The most frustrating thing of all is that despite all evidence to the contrary, i have been so throughly brainwashed by the happily ever after, love at first sight, oppose an empire for you, king of men, princess of the sea type crap that I still find myself waiting for that one mad, passionate, unreasonable, unquestioning, unstoppable love to happen to me.
Now here's what I wonder, two things really, does our mad, passion impulse control have a shelf life? I mean after a certain age are we incapable of ever going to that magical neverland of love and abandon? Seems a little that way sometimes, so it that us growing up and getting smarter or growing up and growing deader?
The second thing, do we have a quota for love? I mean how much, how many times are you allowed to find the all consuming flame? Perhaps we each have only one go, what happens then if things fall apat is everything else just second best?
That's what really scares me, who would want to live the rest of thier lives settled on second best?

...To Every Story

2007-03-21T18:38:00.000+05:00

You've all heard them say that there are two sides to every story right? So here's the rub when both sides are so blatantly contradictory which do you believe...in fact take for instence a situation which is being described to you in some detail the situation and the detail presented to you from both sides is in fact exactly the same, the only difference is each narrator has swapped roles and dialogues in their own versions and have ended up playing the protagonist???
Something is amiss no?
So is it a case of excersing good judgement and weighing character and all that or does one simply believe the first version one is told on the grounds that further pondering would simply be a waste of time? Hmmmm....you could always just opt for the most likely version but then how would you know for sure that you were right?
You could of course assume that both stories are trying to grab the glory and try and disect the truth somewhere in between...or then you could just get a life and not spend hours trying to figure out an intricate web of fantasy and deception and then writing blogs about spending time trying to figure out an intricate web of fantasy and deception.
The fact remains that no one persons account is ever totally truthful be that consciously or unconciously people no matter how honest always color incidents with tones of their own perception....I guess this is why hearsay is inadmissable in a court of law. But what is it in our making that makes us so unable to recreate any event without embellishments or our own slant to things? Are we so fundamentally opinion ridden that we cannot escape it?
Oh well, I guess that's why they say there are two sides to every story and sometimes many more!

Money Management

2006-01-07T21:53:00.000+05:00

I feel I will never be rich, not because I'm incapable of making money or that i think I'm one of those who will be far more appreciated after my death but for the simple reason that I cannot save. If i have a hundred billion rupees in my bag I will spend it in a single afternoon and them ask myself what did i do with a hundred million rupees?
Where did I learn to be such a wasteful creature? Who knows surely not from my parents?

Fair Trade?!@#

2005-10-31T23:28:00.000+05:00

People, I feel, are very adapt at making a mess of their lives, I think this is another great tragedy of our species. How is it that all the other animals in the world know exactly what is best for them...Except cats of course who often exercise bad judgement in terms of climbing trees and crossing streets. And all the silly fish who take the bait and end up served on plates or mounted on walls. Veering off the track. But my point is that how is it that mankind is so skilled at making bad choices?
Is this what it means to be the smartest animal? Or at the top of the food chain? Or having a thumb and being capable of thought and feeling? Wouldn't it be easier just to have basic survival instincts and less emotional baggage?
I mean, are we the only species that consciously does shit that's bad for us? That we know will upset us, destroy our lungs, fry our brains and short term memory and erode our liver? Do lions hang out eating poisonous animals trying to get a high? Do polar bears go looking for relationships with the polar bear they know will treat them the worst?
I think we waz robbed! The thumb in exchange for fatal judgment, mental hang ups and addictive personalities!
Fair trade?

Night In With The Boys

2005-10-28T04:50:00.000+05:00

Guinness World Records Commercial Break Question: what's the largest lizard in the world?
A. Gila Monster
B. Iguana
C. Komodo Dragon
D. Some other lizerdy thing

Sameer questions from the recess of his bean bag in a cold and fluey voice: Does the Komodo Dragon breath fire?

Fahad: No but it's really big, like ten feet and it eats meat.

Mashal: That doesn't make it a dragon, I mean cats eat meat.

Sameer: I think the two essential qualities of a dragon are flying and breathing fire.

Mashal: Yeah this Komodo guy doesn't fit the bill.

Fahad: Yea but a cat wouldn't jump on you and start eating you.

Sameer: It would if it were a big cat.

Mashal: Yea that doesn't make a lions, dragons

Confusion.

Fahad: Yea but its a big fucking reptile that eats meat, you have use a reptile comparison.

Silence.

20 Minutes and two cups of tea later...

Sameer: Crocodile.

Un-Lived

2005-10-24T06:24:00.000+05:00

Most people nowadays get so wrapped up in the 'things' they want or need or expect to achieve this elusive, insatiable facade of social acceptability that they forget who they are and what they are really all about. Just today my cousins and I were discussing how, increasingly marriage is becoming a matter of the right house, the right job and the right car...people get so caught up in all of this that they forget the precious little reasons they wanted to marry their spouses in the first place.
I feel so much young talent, vitality and energy gets sucked out of our community by this incredible pressure to conform and fit into this mould of banker, doctor, engineer... that even the handful of individuals who come back home looking to embrace something new and daring, soon give in to the pressure of our society's acceptable occupations and live their lives in quiet desperation.
This pursuit of a clone society seems to have left us without adventurers, without dreamers and explorers and artists. It seems have filled our ranks instead with the deep rooted dissatisfaction of lives left unlived, unexplored and dreams forgotten, unrealized.
Should, God forbid, anyone want to take a year off after college and go see the World our families and societies condemn them as lunatic, dropouts who will never amount to much, who are running astray and will never have a family of their own...why?
Is self discovery and the pursuit of personality so wrong?
What has this world come to when young people are required to stop dreaming, to stop aspiring to something greater, something new?
Will this world of ours ultimately kill the possibility of breaking new ground? Of growing and becoming? Of Living?
I must admit, this is a thought, a world, that terrifies me.
Cheers to all those out there living their dreams and hoping for something better.

Cinderella Men

2005-10-16T16:11:00.000+05:00

So I was watching Cinderella yesterday. Yes the cartoon. I was working out and it was on, ok? But anyway I was watching Cinderella and the last bit was on, you know the bit where they are all trying on the glass slipper and Cinderella is locked in her room. Anyway I'm watching this scene, the little mice are risking their lives to get that key, Cinderella is crying her eyes out over the prince she loves and will never see again. The wicked step mother is all happy that she has once again thwarted Cinderella's dreams of happiness, Bruno the dog is being woken up and dragged up the stairs to fight the cat...and all the while I'm thinking that all this effort is being made for this Prince who never bloody did ANYTHING!
I mean he danced with her at the dance and looked all pretty but at the end of the day he isn't even out looking for her himself!
Fairy tales are really setting the bar low for men sweeping women of their feet. I mean what's this really saying? That if you have a few bob, a title and a pretty face, the girls and the mice and what have you will move heaven and earth just to be by your side? Are fairy tales the reason men today can't be arsed?

If you look at it, with the exception of Sleeping Beauty (who's prince is quite dishy by the way) in which the Prince has to kill dragons and man eating thorn bushes to go wake her up, all the fairy tale princes make zero effort, turn up at the last minute to make an honest woman out of the princess and claim the glory. And why in this age of political correctness is no one bothered by the fact that Snow White never once even considered hooking up any of the Dwarves who were such devoted love slaves?

Come to think of it the Beast in Beauty and the Beast does make quiet an effort to win over and protect old Beauty but then he's supposed to be ugly so that doesn't count.

Film School Chronicles III: Zac Henderson

2005-10-13T05:04:00.000+05:00

Trekkie with a passion for Spielberg! Zac is the kind of slow, methodical guy who in his own unobtrusive way gets things done to perfection.

It is widely believed that Zac holes up in his apartment for days at a time eating chilli, smoking watching Spielberg movies and shitting.
He claims he has a more exciting home life but weakly.
Zac like all of us is majorly into eighties soundtracks in fact when we were graduating he made a classic selection of 80's film songs including such great hits as Eye of the Tiger and other movie unforgettables.
A true SNL junkie Zac has the Best of Will Farrell collection (A Classic) and has probably seen every movie released since 1975.
I think the only two times I seen Zac anger was when Alien vs Predator was announced to be PG13 and when the guys in front of us at the opening of Kill Bill Vol II announced Uma Thurman's real name in the movie. Yes, that's what happens in film school you start to take your movies very seriously.
All in all he's a terrific guy with incredible talent, he's currently writing a zombie movie which I know is going to kick ass!

Hal & Me

2005-10-13T04:38:00.000+05:00

We have a love/hate relationship. Hal's a complex character, at first it took me weeks to understand what made him tick, what pushed his buttons, what turned him on and all of that. But once I learned to negotiate the intricate twists and turns of his personality I began to feel quite comfortable with him and we learned how to work with one another, discovering together the many hidden facets of our innermost workings.
Hal is beautiful, it sounds odd for me to describe him that way but they are the only words I can think of, he's big and strong and resilient and yet surprisingly sensitive.
Sometimes he'll get mad at me and be stubborn and uncooperative. Other times I can't figure him out at all, it often takes something so simple to make him happy, something obvious and right under my nose. So when I finally hit the nail on the head, realizing how simple his problem was I end up feeling quite sheepish, he does this to me quite often.
At this point I feel we have been so much together, he was my strength when I was editing my thesis film. I was sick, fainting with fever, over tired from seven weeks of non-stop shooting for six different projects, nervous because my deadline loomed so close at hand. But Hal stood by me through all this working tirelessly through the night to making sure everything was just right, shouting out warnings when I would go astray, his quiet humming a reassuring presence in the darkened editing room.
I will take this opportunity to say I love you Hal.
I will also take this opportunity to tell you that Hal is the company assigned name of my G5 computer :)

A Dark Day

2005-10-09T21:18:00.000+05:00

To the families, friends and loved ones of all those killed and injured in yesterday's earthquake,
Our prayers and sympathies are with you all. We too lost several dear friends in the Marghalla towers, God bless them and you in this tragic time.
Yesterday Pakistan, Kashmir, India and Afghanistan were shaken by the worst earthquake to hit the region in more than a century. Although help and support is being mobilised in our Nation's capital of Islamabad, there are entire villages, schools and regions which have still not even been reached with aid. At least 400 children died when two schools collapsed in the Mansehra district of Pakistan's North-West Frontier Province.
The death toll, already nearing 20, 000, is rising by the hour as are the numbers of those injured.

Donate with SMS

Ufone and Mobilink mobile users can donate 3 rupees to earthquake victims by sending an SMS with DONATE to number 346. You can repeat the process for whatever amount you want to donate. The money will be deducted from your mobile balance and goes directly to people suffering from disaster.

How to donate

If you wish to donate to the President's relief Fund, just deposit your donations in any National Bank branch all over Pakistan.
For further information, call the Prime Minister's Relief Cell at
051-9213891 or 051-9222999
The President Of Azad Kashmir's Cell can be contacted on 051-9209650

Relief Drive

LUMS is having a week-long charity drive (longer, if necessary) starting tomorrow to collect supplies for the Kashmir districts. While money is welcome, what is needed more urgently are dry goods- atta, sugar, daal and other foodstuffs, bottled water, blankets, clothes, medicines, anything you can think of. There will be a stall open on campus from 12 noon to 3 p.m.

If anyone has contacts with pharmaceuticals, food companies or anyone else that can help, please e-mail the LUMS Volunteer Society at lvs@lums.edu.pk ASAP.

Everything is going through a reliable channel and people will be receiving these supplies either directly through the LVS or an organisation like Edhi or Oxfam. Please donate freely

The Mekaal Hasan Band is holding an earthquake relief concert, all proceeds will be sent directly to the Presidents fund for spport and donations you can contact Sameer at 0300 8422845.

Film School Chronicles II: Freddy Marvasti

2005-10-08T05:12:00.000+05:00

Freddy Marvasti, die-hard guilty pleasure addict, is one of the funniest and strangest people I've ever met. With his love of Rocky movies, Karate Kid movies and mocumentaries he's about the most laid back person I've ever encountered. And considering the people I know that's really saying something.

He coined our classes catch-phrase, getting "Chezzed" which is an abbreviation of the term dirty Sanchez, which means getting shit on your face which in turn means getting screwed. Now I'd never heard the term Dirty Sanchez so when its true meaning was graphically described to me with the aid of Nutella I was quiet horrified that such a thing was done often enough to even have a name. For those not in the know lets just say it’s a rather unhygienic version of a milk moustache.

(This picture Freddy & The Classic DS)

Things really got carried away with the whole chezzing business when we based our 35mm workshop commercial project on this concept...ugh ugh ugh...all I can say is that we were all perhaps overworked and at our wits end what with being weeks away from our thesis projects and all.

However in our class anyone going through a rough spot was soon known to all as Sanchez...this extended rather inappropriately to my thesis film, based on a young artist dealing with the death of his son and his wife leaving him and so on. When working with the actors we needed to come up for a name for the child which was neither present in the script or film. The product of late night rehearsals was the baby's moniker "baby Sanchez" providing much laughter to a somewhat heavy set, the film IN LIMBO was affectionately known on set as THE DEATH OF BABY SANCHEZ. I did suggest to Freddy that his thesis project should be a parody of my own :)

Rambo Trivia

2005-10-07T18:23:00.000+05:00

Did you know that the third Rambo movie (the one where he single handedly saves Afghanistan from the Russians) is dedicated to "The brave and valiant freedom fighters of Afghanistan"?
I should point out that at the time these brave and valiant freedom fighters included America's most wanted Osama Bin Laden and the now evil Taliban regime. So lets get this straight when Osama and the Taliban were saving their homeland from big, bad Russia they were freedom fighters, poor farmers defending their country and now that the US has decided to take over the world starting with Afghanistan and Iraq these same people are now terrorists? Villains? Militants? Religious fundamentalists?
Now don't get me wrong I in no way support the ideals of the Taliban and other oppressive regimes, but I do wish to understand the one time, short-sighted support of such militant and extremist groups. I do wish to call attention to the fact that the Unites States is in fact fighting the very terrorists it created, funded and lent support to. A classic case of the dog biting the hand that fed it.
There was a joke being made back when some naive people still believed Bush and his buddies were really looking for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, it went something like this "Of course we know he (Saddam) has 'em...we have all the receipts."
Once again I sit here is disgust at what we, the world community, has allowed to happen in the last years. It is not only the evil of the superpower, but the weakness of man in this terrible age of war.

So Much to Want

2005-09-23T04:12:00.002+05:00

With so many things in the world to want, to need, to strive for...there seems to be less and less time for people to consider these things that they are chasing so blindly. And this constant craving for more and more, seems to me to leave the world with less and less.

People need so many things to qualify their existence, to justify their lives...why? Is it not enough anymore to be a complete person? I find that so many people who have 'so much', when it comes down to it are just...well..nothing. This, I find to be the greatest tragedy of our age, the loss of soul in the world, the loss of passion and conviction and beliefs...everything has become changeable, exchangeable. Interchangeable and ultimately, lost.

Ignore me, I guess it's just one of those days.

Projectile Chicken

2005-09-22T15:58:00.000+05:00

Yesterday my urge to cook skyrocketed out of proportion and took over every fiber of my being (ok mild exaggeration), so I invited a few friends over for dinner and planned a rather elaborate menu starting with salad and pasta, cruising onto roast chicken with several kinds of potatoes and ending with an experimental cheesecake (which despite the story I am about to relate turned out quite a success).
So I rushed home from the shops, oiled up the twin chickens and stuck them in the oven. After bringing everything to 'just ready to cook' point, I rushed upstairs, threw myself into the shower and ran back down to the kitchen (after throwing on some clothes of course) was just beginning to the feel like a chicken with its head cut off when the oven exploded and a chicken with its head cut off flew out hitting the roof like some bizarre, aromatic projectile and landing in a tragic, pathetic and I must add slightly vulgar position on my kitchen floor.
In shock and awe I dropped the gravy boat in my hand painfully on my foot (which now instead of smelling like peaches as my moisturizer promised would smell of garlic and mushrooms). Losing my one footed balance I reached out to steady myself and hit a large pan of mashed potatoes hand first only to send it catapulting across the counter where it immediately flung its contents onto my 'just ready to be put in the fridge' cheesecake.
I wheeled around in horror to see the edge of my sleeve on fire. Taking a step away from the stove that was attempting to burn me like some manner of modern day witch I stepped on the tragic, pathetic and vulgar not to mention slippery chicken, losing my footing and landing solidly on my arse looking up at a perfectly chicken shaped oil mark on my ceiling.

Thank God there was extra chicken and cheescake filling in the fridge safe from the mayhem that raged in the kitchen.

Film School Chronicles I

2005-09-20T15:58:00.000+05:00

Going to the New York Film Academy was one of the best experiences of my life. I was not so much in New York as I was in LA, being at their Los Angeles campus bang on the backlot of Universal Studios was totally fantastic.

Here are some of the life lessons we learnt at school:

Larry Leahy on the film business: “If you don’t drink, you’re in the wrong line of work, get out of my class.”

On film basics: “It’s like cooking you want a little of this and a little of that. And you want it to taste good at the end of the day, but hey buddy, you can’t make chicken without the chicken you’d just have a mess.”

“Ok, but what’s your McGuffin?”

On Francis Ford and Apocalypse Now: “You know buddy, by then Francis had just lost his shit and people were dying all over the place…” (Before getting lost in deepest thought)

Bennett Graebner on character: “No one likes people without flaws, they’re just fucking boring.”

On preferences: “Just don’t write shit about babies and animals and old people and certainly not all at once.”
(Good advice to student filmmakers I assure you, despite this advice we still had that one guy who wrote a 30-minute movie about all three.)

On his own advice: “Now here’s a really bad idea…”

Jadit DeBrito on priorities: “If it’s a question of you going over the cliff or the 35, take a fall.”

On lighting and life: “Now this is nice, but I like things a little eghee (edgy).”

*These are some of the smartest, most talented people I have ever had the privilege of meeting.

Guilty Pleasures

2005-09-18T16:27:00.000+05:00

Film school types (heretofore known as filmies) are a strange breed, you are sort of expected to have a high brow film aesthetic and like only 'good films'. But the truth of it is that we all have our guilty pleasures, those classic films which are so bad that they're good. I'm sure you can relate, it's the same reason all us 80's kids can still say things like the A-Team and Knight Rider were great TV shows. Could we ever imagine the super cool Michael Knight (David Hasselhoff no less) becoming a modern day joke?
AAAnyway, where I'm not at the point where I'm secretly addicted to 'Chic Flicks' ( I hate that term, I'm a chic and I mostly hate romantic comedies) I do have a set of really bad guilty pleasures mostly cheesy 80's/90's movies like Karate Kid, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, the more recent and totally horrendous Van Helsing and of course Mean Girls...not to mention the Bold and the Beautiful (shame shame shame).
In the same line of thought is the love I have for the Music Montage (maybe its part of growing up in the eighties) but I love the things and no one does them better then old Sylvester Stallone with the Rocky movies! My special favorite is the Apollo Creed/Rocky training montage in Rocky III (the one by the beach, when Apollo trains Rocky to beat Mr.T) in the end of which they both jump around in the surf :) what a soul lifting moment!
Other guilty pleasures? Oooh the lists are endless...I must say I loved the Spider Man movies but I don't know if they classify as guilty pleasures?
So I guess what I'm trying to say is that although we filmies try and behave like we have a superior taste in movies its all a big lie and we really enjoy all the same shit everyone does.
Oh yes! Oh yes! The biggest guilty pleasure ever BAD BOYS II.
Ok now that I have successfully shattered whatever image I had as a film connoisseur, I'll be off.

Drink Stealers & Their Sneaky Ways

2005-09-14T16:28:00.000+05:00

You know what really pisses me off? My drinks always get nicked, whether it be a glass of water, a cup of tea or a carefully balanced cocktail..they just always get nicked! I seem to need to go to the bar at any party at least twice as much as anybody else, with a result that most bartenders (or people tending the bar, depending on how formal the party is) must think of me as not just an alcoholic but an incredibly forgetful one at that because I also seem to go through most glasses than most people.
How strange it would be if all this was being done specifically to prevent me from drinking. How bizarre would it be if in fact the whole of my social life was one huge intervention like a warped version of the Truman Show?
Ok now that is totally ridiculous even I admit that.
So should I be taking this as a compliment to my drink mixing skills? That people are just waiting to pinch my glass? Or should I take it as a slur at my sobriety? That people just assume I'm so shattered I can't keep track of my drinks anymore?
The thing is that more often than not my drinks will be an entirely different color from everyone else's...the thing is I like to experiment...it's sort of an extension of my cooking obsession (you know a pinch of this a dash of that), so I can usually spot the people who have pinched it. And more often than not it's the same nefarious culprit.
You know who you are, you've been nicking my drinks, my fries and my last bite all my life.
But even on the rare occasions when its not the usual suspect, what is one to do? How can you march up to someone and demand they give you your drink back? They'd think you were a)Drunk b)Mad c)Incredibly petty and d)Trying to chat them up.
And admittedly if someone came up to me and demanded I returned their stolen drink I would think they were a)Drunk b)Mad c)Incredibly Petty and d)Trying to chat me up.
Oh well I guess there are worse things in life...maybe I should start marking my glasses with a big lipstick X...but even then, should some bold charlatan make off with it I still wouldn't be able to march up to them and demand it back for fear that they might think I was a)Drunk b)Mad c)Incredibly petty and d)Trying to chat them up.

...Was The Fun-est!

2005-09-10T20:25:00.000+05:00

You know, I've been kind of disenchanted with the social scene here in Lahore. But last night everything I ever thought I was bored with snuck up on me, bashed me over the head and reminded me why this is such a fantastic city to live in.
My friend, the most fabulous Meher, had held a birthday GT for both Ambs and I, it was without a doubt the most excellant evening ever! Full of great music, unending drinks and a whole bunch of really, really good looking people.
Also it was such an exceptionally good balence between being a great amount of people and just the right ones so you don't get stuck making uncomfortable small talk all evening. So the whole night was spent catching up on all the "mirach, masala" and lovely bits of gossip I'd been missing out on both hearing and being a part of.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that the missing mojo is back with a bang...thanks again to the most fabulous friends ever!

Most Fantastic Friends Ever!!!

2005-09-10T19:52:00.000+05:00

Yesterday I turned 25, my most fabulous friends Sameer, Fahad and Babar threw me the absolute best surprise party!

Firstly everyone I totally adored was there all the wonderful girls and the music boys, along with people I don't know so well and would love to get to know better...it was a smashing mix!

I must add here quite how much the boys impressed me, not only did they manage to keep it a surprise, but everything was fantastic. I specially loved that we all watched Rock Star INXS together and yaay Marty was not voted off!!!
It was a very telling moment when all those claiming to be above reality TV let out a shriek of joy in Marty support.

The best part about all this is that the party continues tonight, courtesy the fabulous Meher! Love the girls, love the boys, love the most fantastic friends ever!!!

Also Happy Birthday Ambs! You rock!

Oh Really?

2005-09-01T15:57:00.000+05:00

You know it's kind of weird how much you find out about people once they start drinking. I don't mean start drinking at the beginning of an evening, I mean when they reach the point in their life when they decide it's ok to start drinking. In Pakistan that has become a ridiculously young age, something as ridiculous as thirteen or fourteen?
Anyway as we get older we watch our younger generation reaching that point, it's incredible how drastically they change. Suddenly they have an excuse to do and say everything and anything they ever wanted secure in the knowledge that they have the great morning-after disclaimer of "Oh really? I was drunk I don't remember."
It's funny when you have a few years of solid drinking under your belt that you can see right through this and realize that it is very, very seldom that you get so tanked that you don't remember things you said and did (depending on who you are of course).
Also when you do black out completely, it's totally terrifying! and you don't just casually say "Oh really? I don't remember." You wake up in panic with your brain sliding painfully from one side of your skull to the other, an incessant ringing in your ears and the desperate question "What the hell happened last night?"
The over casual, desperately nonchalant "Oh really?" is a sure admission that you do in fact know exactly what's what and are trying really hard to pretend that you don't.
So a tip to the new drinkers of the world...if you did something that's making you blush the next day, jolt out of bed, roll under the table, kick your unconscious friend awake and shout "What the hell happened last night?"

Nothing

2005-08-29T00:41:00.000+05:00

Purple Month,
Silver Orange.

A poem that cannot rhyme.

You

2005-08-28T20:07:00.000+05:00

You sit there - silently numb, staring at the dark side of the world.
When the end is near we don’t even know it. Animals go home to die.
You think your soul can be pure? free? saved?
You think like a child at play. You’re like a child asking for the moon – but aren’t we all, all our lives?
You say ‘Please’ and ask the seas to part,
When seas can come between two people…lying in each others arms.

Red Lorry, Yellow Lorry & a Donkey

2005-08-28T19:49:00.000+05:00

Today I was driving home from the airport, for those who don't know, I live really near the airport. In fact if you've ever been on the phone with me I'm sure I've often had to put you on hold till the overhead aircraft passes and I can hear you again.
Anyway, being so close to the airport I find that I am the default man on all airport reception/departure duty. I don't mind I love the adventure of negotiating the traffic infested streets of Bedian Road (the most notoriously, treacherous, dirty and accident friendly road in Lahore if not the world), I love the idea of waiting in the heat surrounded by sweaty, leering and unimaginably yet imaginatively smelly men (seriously I once stood next to a skinny little man who smelt of dead flower water and cabbages...quite a combo!).
Kher all that aside, today I was once again on reception duty receiving some friends in the middle of the afternoon, peak sun and smell time. These friends of mine were visiting Pakistan for the first time, I was highly conscious of this as I left the relatively internationally acceptable Allamah Iqbal International Airport and swerved to avoid a runaway donkey cart, a funny contraption somewhere between a motorbike and an ice-cream truck called a Quingi and a series of brightly colored maniacal Bedford trucks!
I turned to my friends apologetically, expecting to find them cringing with fear in the back seat of my suspension-less car. I was totally surprised at their looks of content delight at the surrounding chaos. They were pointing out of the windows and muttering things like 'How quaint' and 'So lovely', 'So clean'!?@#! Was it me? Have I just become hyper-sensitive after living in the over manicured Los Angeles for the last year? I was baffled! Startled!Shocked even!
'So' I said, finally having a clear enough road to make conversation, as we turned into the relative peacefulness of the Defense Housing Authority 'How was your stay in India?'

Classic Shaashisms

2005-08-26T16:45:00.000+05:00

An Introduction to the world of Shaash.

On fashion: "It's not that I don't like Beer, it just never goes with my outfits."

On love & marriage: "Love's all the fun stuff on a Sundae, without it life's just vanilla."

"My weight is a test of love."

"I'd fall in love with a goat if it eyeballed me nicely."

"Have a few drinks it'll be fine."

"Marriage is like a fried egg, you never want one till you see someone else eating it."

On a broken heart: "I feel like a used tea-bag!"

"Maybe I'm not crazy, just pathologically stupid."

On men: "There can be no equality of the sexes until men have had hot wax near their privates!"

"All men are their mothers in disguise!"

On my friends: "My friends are great. Solid with a little bit of wiggle...Like jelly."

In General: "All this talk of dieting has made me hungry."

Corrupt & Corrupted Worlds

2005-08-26T16:43:00.001+05:00

Somehow with so much to want and need and crave in the world I find myself respecting more and more the people who find it in themselves to value the simplest things in life, a pretty sunset, the cold water of a beautiful ocean, cold water on a hot summer day…and yet the more I find myself valuing these things and others who can appreciate them the harder it becomes to find those who can even still register them.

Is it these times we live in that have blinded us to the world and its inherent beauty or is it us who have made the world a place in which there is no room for the appreciation of the pure and the simple? Which is the corrupter and which is the corrupted or is it everything conspiring together to deprive the world of the joy it holds.

Emptiness like “the nothing” is inhabiting our lives and our souls and we all buy into it never questioning where the fantasy and the joy went…

Rules, Life & All That Rot

2005-08-26T16:43:00.000+05:00

All these generalizations we try to create and we assume to live by; “alpha males”, “old cows” “new cows”, the “man’s man”, “this type of girl”, “that kind of guy” what are they? They are just a method of us trying to apply rules and safeguards to a life that doesn’t work in accordance to rules and safeguards. Ultimately we are trying to guard ourselves against heartache and disappointment. So the question remains how do we draw the line between living safely and living a life spend unlived. When is it safe to drop your guard, lay down your sword and experience life? And are all bad experiences to be guarded against…how would we ever learn.
It comes to point here when we say we can learn from the mistakes of others but do we ever really? Too often when one sees oneself mirrored in others one beholds the other with rather more contempt and cynicism than usual.
Why is that? Why are we so repulsed by ourselves at an unconscious level?
We then talk of bonds and soul mates and a feeling of oneness…but we seldom realize that these bonds have less to do with similarities of character and soul and more to do with chemistry and preconceived notions.
So a note to end on, are we looking for soul-mates or “Mr. Right”, are we looking to put up walls around ourselves so we don’t have to bother searching anymore…or are we simply waiting to bump into someone as chemically imbalanced as ourselves and hoping to live happily ever after.

Brownie Debacle

2005-08-26T16:35:00.000+05:00

I now know why I have never lost weight on any diet ever! Yesterday for no apparent reason was a celebratory day so I whipped up a batch of (if I do say so myself) world-class brownies and fed them to an adoring and grateful host of friends, family and miscellaneous visitors. The two brownies that were left uneaten went in a sealed box into the fridge. This morning I bounced downstairs all bright and sunny only to discover the brownies were missing. What could have happened? There was no one else in the house? The kitchen was locked? Had I woken in the middle of the night? No memory of any such thing…a genetically modified mouse perhaps? There was only one logical conclusion, I had obviously wandered down a flight of stairs into a locked kitchen and devoured the brownies…IN MY SLEEP! No wonder I never lose weight God knows what I’ve been consuming in my sleep.

Lions & Tigers & Deer, Oh My!

2005-08-26T16:34:00.001+05:00

Now I’m a pretty die hard romantic, I mean I would fall in love with a goat if it eyeballed me nicely, but even I seem to have noticed, that all the boys have just stopped trying!
I know all girls want to be swept of their feet and maybe guys feel this is a bit much, but dude at least get the bloody broom out!
Whatever happened to the idea of women being won over? When did the roles and the ratio’s change so drastically? When did we become the wooers rather then the wooees? Its like the deer are hunting the lions, so when we do catch our pray we end up getting ripped to shreds. Why in the world would any deer (or antelope for that matter) chase after a buggering lion? Are we mad?
I think all we deer need to make a pact, let the lions do the chasing!

Of Phones & Their Evil Ways

2005-08-26T16:34:00.000+05:00

I think waiting for the phone to ring is perhaps the most awful feeling in the world. And as technology improves this just gets worse and worse – now not only are we waiting for the damn things to ring but also to beep, buzz, vibrate, alert us to missed calls and voice messages. Now one would think this is fabulous, now we can keep in touch all the time! But oh the rejection of no one trying to get in touch with you. Also the emotional baggage, just think about all that irrational anger directed at all the people trying to get in touch with you when they’re not the one.
Honestly having a phone is like strapping into an emotional rollercoaster. It rings, our hearts leap with joy, adrenalin courses through our veins, we put on our best phone voices – a moment of suspense – followed by a sharp stab of disappointment as irritation seeps in giving way slowly to anger and dejection. All of course utterly irrational and unjustified, we of course realize this which gives rise to a sort of chastising embarrassment which leads us to mad overcompensations and into saying things and making plans we never intended to make.
By far the worst-case scenario is when we try to apply reverse psychology on the phone. We try to leave the room, pretend to ignore it, hoping that this might cause it to ring. In fact as I write this, my ear’s peeled waiting for my phone (to whom I am currently not speaking) to ring and break the silence. Have you ever tried to make the phone ring with your mind? Or perhaps pretended to yourself that you don’t care a jot whether is rings or not in the hopes that it might speak to you if it thinks you’re not interested? That’s right I play hard to get with my phone!
But you just can’t stay mad at it! Ever tried to ignore a ringing phone? It can’t be done!
In the defense of phones I must repeat the term ‘don’t shoot the messenger’ admittedly not much comfort to the countless phones lost to temper tantrums, fights and breakups, but still.
This whole thing reminds me of one time when I…ooh goody someone’s phoning me!

Where Have All The Good Eggs Gone

2005-08-26T16:32:00.000+05:00

You know its never bothered me before, but as I watch more and more of my friends getting married and divorced and married again, it strikes me, “Hey why not?”
Strange marriage seems to me like a fried egg you never think you want one till you see someone else eating it. Once seen, you’re suddenly ravenous with a hunger only fried eggs can satisfy.
Ok, so now that I’ve made up my mind to eat the damn things, I of course discover that there are no bloody eggs in the fridge – indeed the last of the eggs were consumed by the very person whose eggs had tempted me to begin with (perhaps I have taken this analogy too far?)
The point remains – that now I find myself looking for something I never wanted before and that I now find I cannot escape wanting. Bugger! What’s more all the girls will agree – where have all the good eggs gone?!@#