So Much to Want

With so many things in the world to want, to need, to strive for...there seems to be less and less time for people to consider these things that they are chasing so blindly. And this constant craving for more and more, seems to me to leave the world with less and less.

People need so many things to qualify their existence, to justify their lives...why? Is it not enough anymore to be a complete person? I find that so many people who have 'so much', when it comes down to it are just...well..nothing. This, I find to be the greatest tragedy of our age, the loss of soul in the world, the loss of passion and conviction and beliefs...everything has become changeable, exchangeable. Interchangeable and ultimately, lost.

Ignore me, I guess it's just one of those days.

Projectile Chicken

Yesterday my urge to cook skyrocketed out of proportion and took over every fiber of my being (ok mild exaggeration), so I invited a few friends over for dinner and planned a rather elaborate menu starting with salad and pasta, cruising onto roast chicken with several kinds of potatoes and ending with an experimental cheesecake (which despite the story I am about to relate turned out quite a success).
So I rushed home from the shops, oiled up the twin chickens and stuck them in the oven. After bringing everything to 'just ready to cook' point, I rushed upstairs, threw myself into the shower and ran back down to the kitchen (after throwing on some clothes of course) was just beginning to the feel like a chicken with its head cut off when the oven exploded and a chicken with its head cut off flew out hitting the roof like some bizarre, aromatic projectile and landing in a tragic, pathetic and I must add slightly vulgar position on my kitchen floor.
In shock and awe I dropped the gravy boat in my hand painfully on my foot (which now instead of smelling like peaches as my moisturizer promised would smell of garlic and mushrooms). Losing my one footed balance I reached out to steady myself and hit a large pan of mashed potatoes hand first only to send it catapulting across the counter where it immediately flung its contents onto my 'just ready to be put in the fridge' cheesecake.
I wheeled around in horror to see the edge of my sleeve on fire. Taking a step away from the stove that was attempting to burn me like some manner of modern day witch I stepped on the tragic, pathetic and vulgar not to mention slippery chicken, losing my footing and landing solidly on my arse looking up at a perfectly chicken shaped oil mark on my ceiling.

Thank God there was extra chicken and cheescake filling in the fridge safe from the mayhem that raged in the kitchen.

Film School Chronicles I

Going to the New York Film Academy was one of the best experiences of my life. I was not so much in New York as I was in LA, being at their Los Angeles campus bang on the backlot of Universal Studios was totally fantastic.



Here are some of the life lessons we learnt at school:

Larry Leahy on the film business: “If you don’t drink, you’re in the wrong line of work, get out of my class.”

On film basics: “It’s like cooking you want a little of this and a little of that. And you want it to taste good at the end of the day, but hey buddy, you can’t make chicken without the chicken you’d just have a mess.”

“Ok, but what’s your McGuffin?”

On Francis Ford and Apocalypse Now: “You know buddy, by then Francis had just lost his shit and people were dying all over the place…” (Before getting lost in deepest thought)

Bennett Graebner on character: “No one likes people without flaws, they’re just fucking boring.”

On preferences: “Just don’t write shit about babies and animals and old people and certainly not all at once.”
(Good advice to student filmmakers I assure you, despite this advice we still had that one guy who wrote a 30-minute movie about all three.)

On his own advice: “Now here’s a really bad idea…”

Jadit DeBrito on priorities: “If it’s a question of you going over the cliff or the 35, take a fall.”

On lighting and life: “Now this is nice, but I like things a little eghee (edgy).”


*These are some of the smartest, most talented people I have ever had the privilege of meeting.

Guilty Pleasures

Film school types (heretofore known as filmies) are a strange breed, you are sort of expected to have a high brow film aesthetic and like only 'good films'. But the truth of it is that we all have our guilty pleasures, those classic films which are so bad that they're good. I'm sure you can relate, it's the same reason all us 80's kids can still say things like the A-Team and Knight Rider were great TV shows. Could we ever imagine the super cool Michael Knight (David Hasselhoff no less) becoming a modern day joke?
AAAnyway, where I'm not at the point where I'm secretly addicted to 'Chic Flicks' ( I hate that term, I'm a chic and I mostly hate romantic comedies) I do have a set of really bad guilty pleasures mostly cheesy 80's/90's movies like Karate Kid, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, the more recent and totally horrendous Van Helsing and of course Mean Girls...not to mention the Bold and the Beautiful (shame shame shame).
In the same line of thought is the love I have for the Music Montage (maybe its part of growing up in the eighties) but I love the things and no one does them better then old Sylvester Stallone with the Rocky movies! My special favorite is the Apollo Creed/Rocky training montage in Rocky III (the one by the beach, when Apollo trains Rocky to beat Mr.T) in the end of which they both jump around in the surf :) what a soul lifting moment!
Other guilty pleasures? Oooh the lists are endless...I must say I loved the Spider Man movies but I don't know if they classify as guilty pleasures?
So I guess what I'm trying to say is that although we filmies try and behave like we have a superior taste in movies its all a big lie and we really enjoy all the same shit everyone does.
Oh yes! Oh yes! The biggest guilty pleasure ever BAD BOYS II.
Ok now that I have successfully shattered whatever image I had as a film connoisseur, I'll be off.

Drink Stealers & Their Sneaky Ways

You know what really pisses me off? My drinks always get nicked, whether it be a glass of water, a cup of tea or a carefully balanced cocktail..they just always get nicked! I seem to need to go to the bar at any party at least twice as much as anybody else, with a result that most bartenders (or people tending the bar, depending on how formal the party is) must think of me as not just an alcoholic but an incredibly forgetful one at that because I also seem to go through most glasses than most people.
How strange it would be if all this was being done specifically to prevent me from drinking. How bizarre would it be if in fact the whole of my social life was one huge intervention like a warped version of the Truman Show?
Ok now that is totally ridiculous even I admit that.
So should I be taking this as a compliment to my drink mixing skills? That people are just waiting to pinch my glass? Or should I take it as a slur at my sobriety? That people just assume I'm so shattered I can't keep track of my drinks anymore?
The thing is that more often than not my drinks will be an entirely different color from everyone else's...the thing is I like to experiment...it's sort of an extension of my cooking obsession (you know a pinch of this a dash of that), so I can usually spot the people who have pinched it. And more often than not it's the same nefarious culprit.
You know who you are, you've been nicking my drinks, my fries and my last bite all my life.
But even on the rare occasions when its not the usual suspect, what is one to do? How can you march up to someone and demand they give you your drink back? They'd think you were a)Drunk b)Mad c)Incredibly petty and d)Trying to chat them up.
And admittedly if someone came up to me and demanded I returned their stolen drink I would think they were a)Drunk b)Mad c)Incredibly Petty and d)Trying to chat me up.
Oh well I guess there are worse things in life...maybe I should start marking my glasses with a big lipstick X...but even then, should some bold charlatan make off with it I still wouldn't be able to march up to them and demand it back for fear that they might think I was a)Drunk b)Mad c)Incredibly petty and d)Trying to chat them up.

...Was The Fun-est!

You know, I've been kind of disenchanted with the social scene here in Lahore. But last night everything I ever thought I was bored with snuck up on me, bashed me over the head and reminded me why this is such a fantastic city to live in.
My friend, the most fabulous Meher, had held a birthday GT for both Ambs and I, it was without a doubt the most excellant evening ever! Full of great music, unending drinks and a whole bunch of really, really good looking people.
Also it was such an exceptionally good balence between being a great amount of people and just the right ones so you don't get stuck making uncomfortable small talk all evening. So the whole night was spent catching up on all the "mirach, masala" and lovely bits of gossip I'd been missing out on both hearing and being a part of.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that the missing mojo is back with a bang...thanks again to the most fabulous friends ever!

Most Fantastic Friends Ever!!!

Yesterday I turned 25, my most fabulous friends Sameer, Fahad and Babar threw me the absolute best surprise party!

Firstly everyone I totally adored was there all the wonderful girls and the music boys, along with people I don't know so well and would love to get to know better...it was a smashing mix!

I must add here quite how much the boys impressed me, not only did they manage to keep it a surprise, but everything was fantastic. I specially loved that we all watched Rock Star INXS together and yaay Marty was not voted off!!!
It was a very telling moment when all those claiming to be above reality TV let out a shriek of joy in Marty support.

The best part about all this is that the party continues tonight, courtesy the fabulous Meher! Love the girls, love the boys, love the most fantastic friends ever!!!



Also Happy Birthday Ambs! You rock!

Oh Really?

You know it's kind of weird how much you find out about people once they start drinking. I don't mean start drinking at the beginning of an evening, I mean when they reach the point in their life when they decide it's ok to start drinking. In Pakistan that has become a ridiculously young age, something as ridiculous as thirteen or fourteen?
Anyway as we get older we watch our younger generation reaching that point, it's incredible how drastically they change. Suddenly they have an excuse to do and say everything and anything they ever wanted secure in the knowledge that they have the great morning-after disclaimer of "Oh really? I was drunk I don't remember."
It's funny when you have a few years of solid drinking under your belt that you can see right through this and realize that it is very, very seldom that you get so tanked that you don't remember things you said and did (depending on who you are of course).
Also when you do black out completely, it's totally terrifying! and you don't just casually say "Oh really? I don't remember." You wake up in panic with your brain sliding painfully from one side of your skull to the other, an incessant ringing in your ears and the desperate question "What the hell happened last night?"
The over casual, desperately nonchalant "Oh really?" is a sure admission that you do in fact know exactly what's what and are trying really hard to pretend that you don't.
So a tip to the new drinkers of the world...if you did something that's making you blush the next day, jolt out of bed, roll under the table, kick your unconscious friend awake and shout "What the hell happened last night?"